Adolescence Mokushiroku- Shoiryu Style!
by Shoiryu
Summary: See the Utena movie? Did you understand it? Well this will either help, or make it a whole lot worse...


THE UTENA MOVIE   
Shoiryu Style  
  
Utena: Hello, welcome to the Utena movie. They call me Utena in this movie, but I act like Utena's prudish, shy, withdrawn twin sister. And my hair is short. I have a hat.  
  
Wakaba: Hi!! I'm Wakaba!! I had to appear somewhere in this movie or the fans would be angry!! My double punctuation marks are actually audible!!  
  
Utena: Hey, you're kinda cute.  
  
Wakaba: We're sorry, you have exceeded the program's two-word-sentence limit. Commencing shutdown. Restarting in defensive mode "Uber-Genki" now.  
  
Utena: Guh?  
  
Wakaba: NOW WE'RE VIEWING THE SCHOOL!! It is large and moves around a lot!!   
  
Utena: Uh... okay...  
  
Wakaba: Look look look, there's Juri and Miki- the former getting a significantly larger amount of viewtime than the latter because the Juri fans outnumber everyone else and they're REALLY creepy- and OOOOooh, if you look over there-  
  
Touga: Don't mind me. I'm just standing around here, being all mysterious and dead sexy. Whoops, heh heh, did I say dead? I'm not dead.  
  
Utena: Touga!  
  
Touga: Fi~ind me.  
  
Utena: Touga!  
  
Touga: Keep running.  
  
Utena: Touga, you jackass!  
  
Touga: ...um, not quite the reception I was expecting. Anyway, like my new ring?  
  
Utena: Ack! You're engaged to someone!  
  
Touga: No. Utena. Sweetie. The fans are laughing at you. See, what the rose REALLY means is-  
  
Utena: RAGE.  
  
Touga: ...m'kay.  
  
Utena: You know what, Touga? I'd yell at you some more, but I'm suddenly distracted by this FLOWER. Flower PRETTY. I wonder if it symbolizes anything? ....NAH. There isn't anything symbolic in this series. Yeah, I'm taking the ring I just now found in this flower, even though I don't really know where it's been. Wouldn't anybody?  
  
Anthy: Teehee. I scored a PERSONALITY in this movie. This ROCKS.  
  
Utena: LOTS of flowers.  
  
Anthy: Sorry, my fault. They follow me. I'm the Rose Bitch.  
  
Utena: You mean Rose Bride.  
  
Anthy: Whatever. By the way, the headmaster is my brother. Just thought I'd give you my spoilers up front.   
  
Utena: .....m'kay.  
  
Anthy: ACK! You've got a ring! Hug me!  
  
Saionji: No, hug ME!  
  
Utena: I don't wanna hug anybody!  
  
Saionji: Dammit, when I don't get my hugs, I get grumpy. And when I get grumpy, I feel the need to KICK SOME ASS!  
  
Utena: ...I've missed something, haven't I.  
  
Saionji: *Chomp*  
  
Anthy: Definitely gonna have to wash the hair tonight.   
  
Utena: Ugh, fine, whatever you want, just so you stop slobbering on her, you freak.  
  
Saionji: Yippie! And afterwards, maybe you'll want to read my exchange dia-  
  
Utena: No, that's the TV series, Saionji.  
  
Anthy: AHEM, Rose Bitch coming through! Rose for you, rose for you!  
  
Saionji: Sword for me!  
  
Utena: Er, broom for me...?  
  
Saionji: KUNI TORI! BWAHAHAHA!  
  
Anthy: And now for my Wakaba impression: "Utena, my love!" *GLOMP*  
  
Utena: WHAT THE FU- MMPHF!  
  
Saionji: Me fail duel? That's unpossible!  
  
Utena: Wow, black fades sure do save time. Oh, look at that, a plot device- I mean, picture of me and Touga.   
  
Anthy: My supple, slinky little body and I are here!  
  
Utena: Go away. No, stay all night. And turn the lights off, will you?  
  
Anthy: Tee hee, aren't I clever at avoiding your questions? Let's touch each other in naughty places.  
  
Utena: Let's do. No, let's not. You're weird, Rose Bitch. Er, Rose Bride.  
  
Anthy: Well if THAT ain't the pot calling the cocaine black. And OH, hate to interrupt, but it's time for a symbolic segway.   
  
Shiori: I'm a bitch.  
  
Touga: I know.  
  
Shiori: No, I'm really a bitch.  
  
Touga: Yes, I know.  
  
Shiori: You're dead.  
  
Touga: Yes, I- no. No, I'm not. Eheh. Hush.   
  
Wakaba: DIEDIEDIE! Arg!  
  
Touga: Hello. I'm in the girl's bathroom and no one's noticing except you.   
  
Utena: It's because you're exceedingly girly. Have you ever had sex with Anthy?  
  
Touga: Quite possibly. On the second part, not the first.  
  
Utena: Grrrr....  
  
Touga: Anthy! Here girl!  
  
Anthy: Wee! I see dead people!  
  
Touga: Whatever. OH, dear, you're all WET now.  
  
Anthy: OH TOUGA, THAT'S A THINLY VEILED SEXUAL INNUENDO. *GIGGLE*   
  
Utena: ...I'm the only one here who isn't getting laid on a regular basis, aren't I?  
  
Shiori: Bitch bitch bitch, hate hate hate, whine whine whine.  
  
Touga: Uh huh.  
  
Shiori: JURI IS A LESBIAN AND THUS SHE IS BAD.  
  
Touga: Actually I don't think there ARE any REALLY straight characters in this series. Oh, and I was raped by my father in a cabbage patch surrounded by weird Shiori butterflies.  
  
Shiori: Shut up. I'm drawing a penis monster on your back.   
  
Touga: Might've been the acid.  
  
Utena & Anthy: Let's Dancing!  
  
Roses: WE OWN YOU.  
  
Animators: *Collective hemmorage*  
  
Anthy: You hate me.  
  
Utena: I love you.  
  
Anthy: No, you only love the metaphor of my existance. Now strip, bitch.  
  
Utena: Isn't that, um, my line?  
  
Anthy: Nope, it's my turn to be the dominant one.  
  
Utena: Then you be naked too.  
  
Anthy: Okay. But let me warn you, I've got a bigass hole in my chest.  
  
Utena: ...Christ, is there a landing strip on the fucking roof?  
  
B-ko: I've got a controversial videotape! Look!  
  
-----Nanami Cow: Moo!  
  
-----Chuchu: Chuu!  
  
-----Penis Monster: .....  
  
B-ko: ....wrong tape.   
  
F-ko: Here we go!  
  
-----Akio: Ciao! *Hops over about eight cars* Cars don't run without keys! Duh! Anthy, it's drugged incest time!  
  
-----Anthy: 'kay.  
  
B-ko: Eeeew.  
  
Juri: Enguarde!  
  
Utena: Enwha- OH MY GAWD! *CLANG!*  
  
Juri: You sure dig that Touga guy a lot, eh?  
  
Miki: Who the hell's Touga?  
  
Touga: .... *Cough* Just because no one but Utena and Anthy can see me doesn't mean I'm dead.  
  
Juri: Fight me, Utena! Er, Dios! Er... whoever the fuck you are!  
  
Anthy: ...I am in the woods?  
  
F-ko: Something's up!  
  
Shiori: Look, Headmaster Akio's dead. Someone buried him under the rose garden. I know how it happened. Check this video out.   
  
------Akio: You peeked!  
  
------Anthy: No, it's okay, I liked it! *SparkleSparkle!*  
  
------Akio: No! It's not okay that we had sex if you were conscious and willing!  
  
------Anthy: Chill out, g-dawg! It's all good, yo!  
  
------Akio: No, eat steel!  
  
------Anthy: Owie.  
  
------Akio: I believe I can fly-eeeeeeee-! *SPLAT*  
  
Utena: Yo, Touga, what's the dilly-o?  
  
Touga: You like her better.  
  
Utena: Yup.  
  
Touga: Which means you're a lesbian.  
  
Utena: Guess so. Wow, what's that say about YOUR manliness, Kiryuu?  
  
Touga: I'm still gonna ask you weird questions before I give you any answers.  
  
Utena: Oh, shut up. I just remembered you're dead.  
  
Touga: Goddammit, okay, I'm dead! Are you people happy now?! Geez.   
  
Utena: Cry, angst, weep, bye, Touga.  
  
Touga: ...bye. *Float*  
  
Anthy: Utena, you ROCK! I'm the Rose Bitch! Feel my tits!  
  
Utena: I know. Thanks. Let's blow this scene.   
  
Anthy: No. Well, okay.  
  
Utena: But first, the carwash of DOOM!  
  
*Insert majorly weird carchase scene here, involving the smashing of the Shiori drag-racer and a Castle-On-Wheels*  
  
Utena: Yay, we're free, and now we're naked on a rad roadster! Let's entangle our nude bodies and smooch!  
  
Anthy: Okay!   
  
The End. 


End file.
